I gave this blog a 3 when it comes to physical because it mentions a lot of physical work, and if you do what the blog suggests it can change your outside world. It earned a 5 in the emotional category because the subject matter is very emotional, and anytime you dig deep you will hit some definate emotional veins. The blog does not hit that much on social issues, nor does it pertain much to other people, therefore it got a 1 in social.
He inhaled deeply, swiping his brow with the back of his hand. Kicking a rock, he pressed on. A six-foot hole hadn’t seemed like much of a problem during the cool of the morning. Like a fly zapper, the sun was sucking up his energy. Without a guaranteed payoff, why was he taking the chance? “Just one more shovel full.” If he could find it, the reward would be worth every drop of sweat.
Three feet, four feet, five feet … The deeper the hole, the faster he shoveled. Distances by sight had never been his strong point, but he had to be close to six feet. Pulling the worn leather from his pocket, he studied the faded page, it did say six feet, right?
Tingles covered his body, his breath became quicker and more shallow, the next few minutes could change his life. Jabbing the shovel back into the dirt, he stomped it with his foot, then lifted, throwing the excess onto the pile. A thud on the next jab caused his heartbeat to go into overdrive.
The speed of his digging increased, time lost all meaning. Finally it was free. At least an hour had passed, when he hauled a large wooden box from the hole. The lock was rusted and impossible to open. The pins holding the hinges were a possiblity.
Going to his truck he opened the toolbox, grabbing a hammer and screwdriver he hurried back to the box. The first pin came out much easier than expected. When the second one was free, he flung the lid open. A glisten confirmed his wildest desires … gold! Money might not buy happiness, but he had enough to make his own determination as to whether the quote was true or false.
Until a few years ago, if someone asked me to “dig deep,” I would have gone and found a shovel. Digging deep changed meanings for me when I began guided journaling. Here are three things I learned about digging deep.
DIGGING DEEP IS HARD
Inhaling deeply and swiping your brow with the back of your hand are almost as likely when digging deep with a pen, pencil, or keyboard, as with a shovel. Knots in your stomach, even nausea can happen.
A few days ago I was digging deep with a pencil, and a forgotten childhood memory surfaced. The school bus was a place where I spent a lot of time as a child. I rode an hour and a half in the morning and evening, a book was usually in my hands transporting me to another world. One day on the way home, a joke was cracked, and of course I laughed. A girl on the bus turned around and told me to stop squealing, claiming my laughter was hurting her ears. Embarrassment surged through my veins. I felt myself shrink.
I began wearing figurative hats from that moment on. What I mean by that is, I change myself based on the person I am with. I became a people-pleaser.
DIGGING DEEP CAN DRAIN YOUR ENERGY
My desire is to authentically be me— no matter who I’m with, but that is a lot easier said than done. How am I supposed to change years and years of people-pleasing? People now expect me to change for them. What if people don’t like the real me? If my only worry occasional aquaintances, that would be one thing, but what if the people I love don’t like the real me? Fear surged through my veins. Maybe it’s just easier to keep putting on different hats? The emotions are real, even as I write this blog. My desires and my fears are at war. Digging deep can truly zap energy. What you uncover can drain you emotionally.
DIGGING DEEP IS GOLD
As difficult and emotionally draining as digging deep can be, it is pure gold. As much as the memory from my past hurts, it is a gift.
I felt nausea when I uncovered the memory from my childhood, but at the same time I felt hope. Embracing the gift allows me to change, even if it is just one tiny step at a time.
March 26th of last year was my Grandpa’s 90th birthday. My whole life, he told everyone that he was going to walk to town on his 90th birthday. Town is nineteen miles. At his party the night before, my sister-in-law told me she would like to walk with him, but wanted another girl to go along. I proudly exclaimed “I’ll go, but I am going to have someone on speed dial to come pick me up.” We started at seven o’clock in the morning. Five miles passed, and I was still feeling pretty good. At about ten, I started hurting really bad. When I made it to thirteen, I was determined to finish. The last six miles were excruciating. Every step, I would say to myself, “just one more step.” Grandpa outtalked me by far, he wasn’t even out of breath, in fact, he kept looking back asking me and my sister-in-law if we were going to make it. Sure enough, we did make it all nineteen miles that day, the problem was that we couldn’t walk the next day.
Digging deep has unearthed painful memories for me, but now that I have the memories, I can now accept them, and say to myself “one step at at time.” Each step gets me a little closer to my goal of throwing away the hats, and being my authentic self no matter who I am with. Being authentically me is freedom.
No digging deep, equals no freedom! Grab a pen, and give it a try. Need a little guidance? I’d love to hear from you.
For Your Journal: Put It In Ink…
They say, the pain of change has to be bigger than the pain of staying the same, is your pain great enough to make you want to start the painful process of digging deep? Why or why not?
After digging deep, what became the biggest surprise you uncovered?